I drove into work, late as usual. I flashed my badge at the red eye in the employee parking lot (on the mechanical arm thing, not the regularly drunk guy in the security hut). Nothing. Flash number 2-nothing. I was starting to get the message.
I pulled my car into the "visitors" lot and entered through the front doors. I climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor and walked the long walk down the hallway that led to the door nearest my desk. I swiped the red eye there. Beep but no green light. Swipe number 2-beep, no green light. The message became a little bit clearer. An employee from another suite came into the hallway and I begged a card swipe off her. Beep, green light, door opens. I walked into the suite and began what were, though I didn't realize it at the time, my last hours at my desk.
The good news is that I worked at the same place for 16 years. The bad news was that it was Monday and I had been fired the previous Friday. Oops, guess who they forgot to tell? I found out later that there had been a meeting on Thursday that described how someone was taking over my job. Uh yeah, wish I coulda been there.
I walked into the suite and my fellow employees looked startled to see me. The message became even clearer. They knew I'd been canned. I wasn't supposed to be there. I'm the ghost of employees past. One of the employees I supervised walked over to me, eyes obviously moist. Moist in the way that signals one of two things: a loved one has died in a war/a twisted mass of metal on a local highway OR you got 86'd and management forgot to tell you. He asked, "Can I have a hug?" I said, "Sure," and hugged him. He whispered the words "I'm sorry."
I sat down at my desk. I put my lunch on the floor. The same as I had done for 16 years. I looked around my desk and let it sink it. You didn't have to be Jessica Fletcher to solve this mystery. My employee badge has been deactivated, everyone looks scared to see me and my computer is gone. Message received. I'm officially unemployed. Officially.
Well, not quite officially. No one from management was claiming this one. I had been in the office for about 25 minutes when my manager came to the door and said (in a barely audible voice), "Ron and I need to talk to you." I told her I was in the middle of something (which I was, I was separating my paper clips from my employer's paper clips. Mindless but an effective way to hold back the tears). I look at her standing by the door and I say, "Ron's office?" She shakes her head "no". She points to the empty rooms down the hall. The rooms we always take people to when we don't want co-workers to hear what management is saying. "Give me about 5 minutes, okay?"
I sat at my desk and tried to determine the best tack to take: angry, indignant, indifferent, contrite, superior, surprised, not surprised or joyful. I had about 3 1/2 minutes to process 16 years worth of feelings. I walked into the tiny room where my boss and my department manager were sitting. I'd been in this room 1000 times at least. Today, though, the room seemed dominated by the circular table that inhabited it. From my perspective I felt small in comparison to this table and my bosses looked very big. Like adults at a kids' tea party. Awkward, all knees and elbows. My big boss said, "Did you get Jackie's letter?" I hadn't received it so I said, "What letter?" He inhaled audibly and said, "You've been terminated!" His tone of voice can only be described as the culmination of utter joy and complete exasperation.
"We're going to need you to get your things together and exit the building." I told them I had a Blackberry at home and that I would have to bring that by later in the day. "Your supervisor is going to help you." I said, "Okay." "Do you want me to have everyone leave the suite...?" he asked as his voice trailed off. I told him I didn't think it was necessary since everyone seemed to know but me. He gave me a smile, albeit a fake smile, and disappeared into the office landscape.
What he didn't know is that I had spent the last 6 weeks cleaning out my desk. I still had a lot to go through but thankfully my manager was there to monitor me. I mean help me. I guess Big Brother was trying to make sure I didn't swipe any company pens (aka Bic Stics, I can get them at any Walgreens 12 pens for $1), company Post-It pads (generic post-it notes of course) or any super confidential information. I loaded box after box on an industrial cart. After what seemed like forever, I was done.
My supervisor escorted me down to the lower level and I went to get my car. I pulled up and realized I had no room in my car for any of this stuff. I unloaded it and sat it one the sidewalk. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of watching me jam stuff into my already packed car. Before she walked away she asked if I had left anything in my office area. I realized that I had left my lunch. She was nice enough to go get it for me. It was half a burrito smothered in salsa and a bag of chips. The salsa was everywhere and she held the bag out in front of her like a new father carrying a dirty diaper. She asked me if there was anything else. I told her no. She had a look on her face...she didn't say "Goodbye" instead she said, "Okay". She said "Okay" and turned to walk back into the building. Now I was really, truly and "officially" unemployed.
I didn't cry right off. It came several hours later. After I spent $22 at a new thrift store and I was driving home. It came to me. The sadness and the tears came to me. Great big heaving sobs and heavy, long held back tears. My life of 16 years was now over. I had no money, no plans and certainly no new job. What struck me most was that 16 years, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day fit onto a single cart. Once it was emptied it was like I had never been there. Never.
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