Chapter 2-It's a "Hand Up", not a "Hand Out"

I have literally said this phrase a million times. I said it when I dealt with people in the STD Clinic and when I help people at church. I remind people that there is no shame in accepting assistance when the assistance is needed. It used to be call charity, but charity, in its truest sense, has gotten a bad name. Check out the differences between the first set and second sets of definitions on this link: www.thefreedictionary.com/charity.

char·i·ty (chr-t); n. pl. char·i·ties

1. Provision of help or relief to the poor; almsgiving.

2. Something given to help the needy; alms.

3. An institution, organization, or fund established to help the needy.

4. Benevolence or generosity toward others or toward humanity.

5. Indulgence or forbearance in judging others.

[Middle English charite, from Old French, Christian love, from Latin crits, affection, from crus, dear; see k- in Indo-European roots.] ; The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Charity [ˈtʃærɪtɪ]; n pl -ties

1. a. the giving of help, money, food, etc., to those in need
2. a. an institution or organization set up to provide help, money, etc., to those in need

3. the help, money, etc., given to the needy; alms

4. a kindly and lenient attitude towards people

5. love of one's fellow men

[from Old French charite, from Latin cāritās affection, love, from cārus dear]; Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged 6th Edition 2003. © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

My well tuned suburban ears immediately notice the difference between "helping the needy" and "helping those in need". "Needy" is a value judgment, in fact, probably a series of value judgments. It implies something about the "needy" person. The "needy" person is needy because of some fault, lack or deficiency in their very character. Being "in need" doesn't put across that same vibe. A person "in need" is someone who is only temporarily needy (think natural disasters, mass layoffs, etc). Once that crisis passes the person is no longer "in need".

It's only an issue because I want to be "in need", not "needy". I don't want to be seen as needy, even though being needy doesn't really say anything about a person. It says something about their situation, their predicament, their story. Three months ago I was a 40 year old way cool suburban chick with a good job. I was neither needy or in need. Today I'm a 40 year old way cool suburban chick looking for work. I'm both needy and in need. My character is indeed flawed, as is everyone's. Fortunately, I can now admit that I'm needy and in need.

When I went to the DSS (Division of Social Services) to apply for Food Stamps (technically SNAP benefits, it's the new face of Food Stamps) I just knew that I would stick out. I knew that I would walk into that office and everyone would look. Not the type of look you give any other someone when they walk into a waiting room area. I would get the type of look you give when something is completely, totally and utterly incomprehensible. A Master's degree educated suburban chick in the DSS office? Does not compute! I was both humbled and horrified when I walked into that office. Humbled because I was finally admitting I needed help and horrified because I wasn't different. No eyebrows raised, no jaws dropped. All I saw was the one-sided smiles of my fellow DSS'ers. Clearly, they had seen my "kind" before.

I realized, in the waiting room, I'm not different. And, for some reason, that's a good thing. I'm just plain, old, workaday Karen. You can dress me up and take me out but at my core I'm made of the same thing as everyone else. Remember the blind guy in the Bible who's hanging out at a temple saying, "Alms for the poor?" And some people are standing around asking was it his mom's sin or his dad's sin that made him blind. Jesus finally tells the crowd that the man's blindness wasn't caused by sin at all, but rather the blind man is being used to glorify God. So this "needy" man, this blind man, this man who has so little status in his community is being used to glorify God. The blind man isn't needy because of some lack on his part or even some fault of his parents. His needy-ness had a higher purpose. Instead of being the least he was the most. And I hope that's how I see "needy" people from now on. To be honest, that's how I hope I see myself as well. That might be the hardest task yet.